Oh, wow! What can I say? I'M SCARED! This is so unexpected; there are some really heavy contenders out there! To get nominated is already something huge, but WINNING... Wow! [Emotional opening, dazed and confused... as usual]
Hmm... Well, I have to give a speech, right? That's what winners do [winner's nervous laugh after little joke to entertain and hide fear, crowd applauding]
I know the Golden Chicken Award © was given to me yesterday; but, being consistent with my cowardice, I had to built-up some courage in order to do this [crowd boos when 'courage' is mentioned]... Wait, wait, and wait! Don't get me wrong, I'm a coward at heart, you know, that's why my speech is written [crowd relieved and elated]
SO many people to thank! And SO little time. First, I thank my mother for giving me birth [winner trembles]. That's when the first sign of cowardice showed... Crying like the baby I was while entering this frightening world. You all know what I'm talking about; most of you still do [winner blinks to some people among the audience, direct reference. Crowd sighs, tears flowing]
I have to thank my family, relatives, friends, acquaintances, bullies, people in general, exams, coconut trees, Freddy Krueger, adolescence, tong-tied, anxiety. I would never be here without your support [?]. Hmm... Am I forgetting someone? Oh, yes! Yes! Teacher Martha from 4th grade, one of the evil twins that sniffed alcohol in class every day, a special thank you to you, I'll never forget you junkie. THANK YOU [winner admits trauma, crowd overwhelmed with emotion]
And last and least, I'd like to thank a truly inspiration in the matter of cowardice. A worthy Golden Chicken Award © recipient as well, no doubt about it. An epic coward, the inspiration, the chicken almighty, setting the example, the one and only [luckily]: Miss Mary Laura!
Thank you, thank you. I feel honored... or not. But, I definitely feel something [e.g. vindictive]
PEACE AND LONG LIFE TO ALL COWARDS!
I DEDICATE THIS ONE TO ALL OF YOU! [Finally, crowd giving a standing ovation]